1. When you think you’re about to marry Ms. Right, check first to make sure her first name isn’t “Always.”
2. Instead of getting married, why don’t you just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house.
3. Marriage is a give and take. So, you’d better give her everything or she’ll take it all away.
4. Marriage is the second most important decision any two people can make. The first is a prenuptial one.
5. There’s only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.
6. Today, I wish you all the happiness in the world because after today, you will have none.
7. Come on dude, getting married isn’t that bad. It’s being married that sucks.
8. Congratulations on a marriage—where every “yes” you say actually means “no.”
9. It is true: All men are born free and equal. But then some of them get married.
10. As a married man, it won’t matter how many times you change jobs. You still always end up with the same boss.